jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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