Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize