yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
