Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is it penis luge time yet?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
