I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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