went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize