You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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