8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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