sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
