I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I look better un-naked...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize