you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
