I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize