3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
