he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
