we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize