First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
there is glitter all over my balls
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
