No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
did i walk over a car last night?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize