if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
