I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
