I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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