she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize