butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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