Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
