My room smells like vodka and shame
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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