you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
