The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
