Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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