i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
