Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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