I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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