what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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