quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
