I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
