dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Did I show you my penis last night?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
