And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
