Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
