New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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