I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
