i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize