nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
false alarm, still single
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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