My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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