I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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