I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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