I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
