i permit you to call me
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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