she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
