I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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