A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize