Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
