It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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