Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
