Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
