im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he thought i was a dude.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize