I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
