bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
