I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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