i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize