dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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