we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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