I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
