Do you still have your period?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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