You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
