is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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