pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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