i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
