There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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