we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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