let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
