I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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