CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
