Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
