I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
