Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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