I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
