I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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