The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
