Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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