I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
