we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
