Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
