You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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