Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
