So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
