Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
