how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
