Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
