im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
bring money and cleavage
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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