Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
