I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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