Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
