Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
