Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
