no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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