Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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