I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
