KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize