He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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