I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
