We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
