Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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