WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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