OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize