if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
