hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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