gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
