that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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