I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
