TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I could fuck to npr.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
