he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize