on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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