Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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