Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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