Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
