I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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