Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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