My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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