i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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