Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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