so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
