rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I love you.
Bad choice
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